Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
