I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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