i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
