I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
