i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
