So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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