my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Less talking, more tequila
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
