This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
