Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
