Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
