Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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