bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
