Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
