Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
