my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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