Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
