like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
