i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
