Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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