thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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