The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
