she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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