He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
