I think my vagina is haunted
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The adults are the big ones right?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
