She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
