If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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