I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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