Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
