Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
