youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
