She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
