I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
