i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
