is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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