I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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