i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
