WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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