ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
