i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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