bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
