i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
