hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
