Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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