Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
