i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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