you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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