Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
