I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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