Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
