Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
