As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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