He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
