Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
