Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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