It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
