guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
